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Joke of the Day

"I wish I was a little bit kidding when I say that I just chose peanut M&Ms over regular ones because protein"

"You hear that asshole talking shit behind my back? I farted."

"How do you piss off Winnie the Pooh? Put two fingers in his honey."

"Why is 77 better than 69? You get eight more"

"Driving Wizard A wizard is driving down the highway, a man try's to merge into his lane in front of him. The wizard speeds up and yells out the window, ""You shall not pass!"""

"I wish there was a ""skip this ad"" button that I could use when talking to annoying people in real life."

"Three Muslims walk into a bar... They get shot, because Islam forbids the consumption of alcohol."

"My 10 year old: ""If nothing is faster than the speed of light, how did the darkness get there first."" Me: ""What?"""

"What did the Officer say after arresting the crooked cook? ""I just booked a cook for cooking the books."""

"What do you call a woman who always knows where her husband is? A widow."