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Joke of the Day

"I'm playing dead at work right now so nobody will talk to me. Everyone is screaming. Probably should have used less fake blood."

Next Joke
 
"Wondering what atrocity I committed in a former life to deserve this shitty parking space."
"I saw a billboard that said, ""Be her Romeo"" and featured a pic of a diamond ring. Apparently they have not read Shakespeare."
"Titanium is a most amorous metal... When it gets hot, it'll combine with anything."
"Reddit is to socialising ...what a gloryhole is to love."
"How many redditors does it take to answer an /r/askscience question? [deleted]"
"I've been thinking about manufacturing and selling landmines disguised as prayer mats... ...prophets would go through the roof!"
"Just so we're on the same page, I'm on 137."
"Which spice is the worst at keeping secrets? Only thyme will tell."
"First they came for the Fight Club members, but I said nothing, because...you know...rules."