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Joke of the Day

"A flight attendant says to a man... ""Would you like headphones?"" The man replies, ""How did you know my name was Phones?"""

"You know the 'Done' button you press to exit a video? How come it only sounds judgy and sarcastic after I've finished jacking off?"

"What do you call fake excrement? Shampoo."

"Wife: Your life insurance premium paid up? Me: Yeah. Wife: Good. Me: Why? Wife: No reason. Me: ... Wife: ... Me: ... Wife: Here, taste this."

"Why was the fish swimming backwards? It didn't want to get water in its eyes."

"I'm hungry but broke so I'm waiting for my bf to say he's hungry too than he'll order something delicious while I pretend to be indifferent."

"We all have our weaknesses. Yours are just more obvious."

"What do you get when you cross-breed a shark and a cow? I have no idea but I wouldn't milk it."

"Feeling sad because my hamster died... Well he's not 'technically' dead yet, but I ran out of food so it's really just a matter of days."

"Did you hear about the new 8bit Nazi Simulator game? It's called Eightolf Bitler."