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Joke of the Day

"A man is hospitalized after a serious accident Following his surgery, he says, ""Doctor! I can't feel my legs!"" The doctor says, ""I know. I amputated your arms."""

"I hate graph jokes... Because I can never get the point."

"I threw a boomerang a few years ago I now live in constant fear"

"Happy Columbus Day! Celebrate by going to the wrong house after work then claiming it as your own."

"I'd like to be a double agent. Or maybe a single agent/pirate. Maybe even a velociraptor. Definitely a velociraptor/pirate agent."

"I always wanted to be a plumber when I grew up but in the end it was just a pipe dream."

"Girlfriend pressuring you to have a baby? Set the alarm on her phone to an infant screaming. If that doesn't changer her mind..DUMP HER!"

"How'd you get a black eye? Walked into a door. [Later, another shiner] More doors? *nods* One does not simply walk into more doors."

"Why isn't Sonic the Hedgehog Muslim? Because once Ramadan is over, he can't stop fasting!"

"What's worse? Receiving a text from your girlfriend saying that you're breaking up or receiving a second text after saying that it was supposed to be for someone else?"