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Joke of the Day

"Girlfriend pressuring you to have a baby? Set the alarm on her phone to an infant screaming. If that doesn't changer her mind..DUMP HER!"

"I was trying to work out what that flying red disk was But then it hit me"

"What do we call the process which usually happens after a company deliberately sells a misleading product to its customers? DLC."

"Like my grandpa Clint Eastwood used to say, it's never too late to adopt a fake name to impress girls."

"When I was young I used to pray for a bike, then I realized that God doesn't work that way, so I stole a bike and prayed for forgiveness."

"What's the difference between Al'qaeda and civilians? Beats me I just fly the drone!"

"Masturbating is wrong in some people's eyes... Also, it burns."

"There's 10 kind of people in the world. Those who know binary and those who don't."

"Ariel: ""But I love him, daddy!"" *sobs as King Tritan rips her iPhone away and unfollows PrinceEric69*"

"""What are all those wires?"" ""My wireless internet."" (New Yorker cartoon ideas)"