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Joke of the Day

"To all my friends who sent me best wishes for 2013, it did fuck all. For 2014 could you please send money, alcohol or petrol vouchers...Cheers!"

"A man and a little boy walk into the woods... the little boy says, ""It sure is dark and scary!"" The man looks at the boy and says, ""How do you think I feel? I have to walk out of here alone!"""

"Four out of five people enjoy gang rape you sick bastard"

"Turtles sniff tails to find mates but when I do it, it's ""disturbing"" & I ""need to leave yoga,"" or ""at least wait til I'm off the treadmill"""

"I was sitting on the train this morning, and I saw a really sexy Thai girl I thought to myself, ""Please don't get an erection, please don't get an erection"", but she did."

"How many flies does it take to screw in a light bulb? Two."

"What language do eagles program in? [C#](https://np.reddit.com/r/pics/comments/3tp03o/in_canada_we_have_some_nice_falcons/cx8608n)"

"whats the difference between a woman and a computer? a woman wont accept a 3 1/2 inch floppy."

"why should you never sleep with a female beekeper? she might give you herbees"

"When I'm sick, I just remember my mother's sage advice: Feed a cold, starve a fever, and drown a soul-crushing depression in food and booze."