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Joke of the Day

"Turtles sniff tails to find mates but when I do it, it's ""disturbing"" & I ""need to leave yoga,"" or ""at least wait til I'm off the treadmill"""

"My girlfriend was crying because she had gum in her hair. I told her to cut it out."

"My patient was refused his organ transplant. But I didn't have the heart to tell him."

"Fear is not the only emotion Chuck Norris can smell. He can also detect hope, as in ""I hope I don't get a roundhouse kick from Chuck Norris."""

"Judge: You're sentenced to death. You'll be hung. Wife from the back: HE'S ALREADY HUNG. Me: Your Honor uncuff me so I can high five my wife"

"Something went wrong .. ha ha A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: ""Wife wanted."" Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: ""You can have mine."""

"Who is more enthusiastic about performing oral sex, fat men or skinny men? Fat men, they'll eat anything."

"I get suicidal when I play guitar So I don't fret about it Sorry [8]"

"Bernie Sanders fans say ""Feel the Bern."" Gary Johnson fans say Feel the Johnson."

"If 2 people having sex..... If 2 people having sex is called a twosome, and 3 people having sex is called a threesome, then I can see why they call you handsome."