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Joke of the Day

"Whats the difference between a Chickpea and a Lentil? No one ever paid $50 to have a Lentil on their face."

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"I won every fight in 1st grade. Not because I was tough, because I was 13."
"I renamed my dad ""Death"" in my phone's contacts. Just so I remember that life can always get worse."
"""Say, farmer....."" Traveling Salesman: ""Say, farmer, where does that road go to?"" Farmer: ""Well, I lived here all my life, it ain't gone nowhere yet."""
"Why are archaeologists the most polite kind of necrophiliac? They'll date you before they fuck you."
"Just bought a copy of a talking holy book An Audibible."
"Sure, I can teach you about fractions, kid. Just remember this: There is a very fine line between the numerator and the denominator."
"Could we make a seperate subreddit... for one-liners please? :) I just love seeing the old fashioned long jokes! you're awesome /r/jokes!"
"What did the Buffalo say to his son on the first day of school? Bison."
"I used 5 different things as a napkin today and one of them was my neighbour."
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