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Joke of the Day

"Sure, I can teach you about fractions, kid. Just remember this: There is a very fine line between the numerator and the denominator."

"I put out a Want ad for a psychic... It said, ""You know when and where to show up. Don't be late."""

"Anyone who says ""Let's all put our phones down and talk with each other,"" is just running out of battery and needs a charge."

"I'm in charge of eight kids tonight. No big deal though I can be really responsib-- I'm in charge of seven kids tonight. No big deal though"

"What's the best hotel in the world? Auschwitz. 1.3 million stars."

"What does the rude barista say to the customer in a coffee shop? I can't decide whether you are a fruitcake or a doughnut!"

"Me: *enters exam room Doctor: Please take off your... M: *unbuttons pants D: ?? M: *pauses* D: GLASSES! D: I'M AN EYE DR DAMNIT!"

"say what you want about sleepwalkers... At least they always follow their dreams."

"one time i slam dunked a basketball so good we were out of school for a week people just needed time to process"

"Did you hear about the married Amish woman having an affair? She loved two Mennonite."