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Joke of the Day

"I used 5 different things as a napkin today and one of them was my neighbour."

"Why did the blonde start rubbing toothpaste on her vagina? She heard it helps reduce cavities."

"What would you call an uprising at Charles Xavier's school? A mutant-y"

"What do you call a crocodile that can't have sex? A reptile dysfunction."

"What do you call a competition between two assholes who like to masturbate A jerk off!"

"I had a friend who claimed he didn't see race... I didn't believe him until the 5K incident"

"A tree fell on a family's house and killed everybody. It was rootless."

"You laugh at the burrito in my purse, until you get hungry."

"""Daddy will u tuck me in?:)"" ""Ok"" *tucks him in* ""Daddy sing me a song:)"" ""Ok"" *clears throat* LET THE BODIES HIT THE FLOOR LET THE BODIES H"

"Make little things count!... Teach midgets math!"