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Joke of the Day

"I think I owe my vibrator a Valentines Day card."

"What do you call it when you fuck a teenager with a bottle of hot sauce? Srirachatory rape."

"What do you call a cow with one leg? Steak."

"A puzzling amount of nonsense... If you're sailing through the desert and your house gets a flat how many flapjack a would it take to put that motherfucker up on stilts?"

"What do you call a camera that shoots out true facts about an ancient Phoenician city? A Canon, Canaan-canon cannon... (I'm not sorry...)"

"The tip of my tongue is sore, and I just can't think of why that is."

"HIM: [awkwardly] wanna go see a movie? HER: sure, sounds great. [next day] HIM: could i maybe come with you next time?"

"I may make a lot of typos when I text, but in my defense, I do have to look at the road sometimes."

"If he's dumb enough to send you a generic message in a mass text...be smart enough to reply to all ""I still haven't gotten my period."""

"What do you first see when you enter an Indian community? 50 shades of brown ;)"