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Joke of the Day

"Just killed a spider IN MY BED!! So if you need me, I'll be burning down my home and looking for a new place to live."

"I woke up because of birds chirping.nI wish I had wings too.nI would fly to each of these birds & choke them one by one. n6 am is too early."

"I went to AT&T and asked for a sim card. They told me I had to call them to activate it. See the problem..."

"What's the hardest part of a cabbage to eat? The wheelchair."

"How do you starve a worthless mooch? By hiding his employment check in his work boots."

"My husband needed more space... So I locked him outside"

"How do all racist jokes start? *looks around everywhere*"

"So hard to hurt a vampire's feelings because you can't say ""how do you sleep at night?"" or ""how do you look at yourself in the mirror?"""

"""My dream is to create something that both dogs and fraternity brothers will enjoy chasing with equal vigor."" -- inventor of the frisbee"

"A guy walks into a bar He has a frog on his shoulder, the bartender says Hey where'd ya get that? The frog says it started out as a wart on my ass."