171610

Joke of the Day

"So hard to hurt a vampire's feelings because you can't say ""how do you sleep at night?"" or ""how do you look at yourself in the mirror?"""

"*puts spider in the ocean* ""Now go free and flourish into an octopus."" *cuts girl in half & puts in ocean* ""Mermaid probably."""

"Breaking news: The Irish have come up with a new use for sheep. Wool."

"THANKS TO YOU I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes."

"If the FBI want to get into an iPhone w/o users permission, they should ask someone who's done it before, like U2"

"At my parent's house, or as I like to call it, the world's most judgmental self-service laundromat."

"I explained to my kids that babies come out the bum because I couldn't draw a very good vagina using crayons and construction paper."

"Sorry to text you so late but can your dog come over?"

"What has four legs and one arm? A pitbull terrier in a childrens' playground"

"How do you catch King Kong? Hang upside down and make a noise like a banana."