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Joke of the Day
"I'm 1% inspiration, 1% perspiration, 98% masturbation."
Next Joke
"Who reads the news AND makes coffee? Katie Keurig. (I know the setup might need some work but I just like the punchline I made up.)"
"What does an approximately normal statistician eat for lunch? A large CLT"
"You haven't seen true happiness until you've looked into the face of a white person when The Cha Cha Slide comes on at a wedding."
"Chemistry Joke! Why can't acids argue well? All their statements are baseless."
"Inspirational Tweet: The journey of 1,000 miles begins with ""daaaaad I have to peeeeee"""
"How do you get the water in a watermelon? Plant it in the spring."
"I think I'm gonna make a bracelet that supports getting rid of bracelets that support stuff."
"[From Basement]: *scary murdery noise* Me: oh shit Me: *makes slightly more scary more murdery noise* [From Basement]: Oh shit"
"I spend 90% of my time in Texas doing u-turns under highway overpasses trying to get somewhere I can see but can't drive to for some reason."