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Joke of the Day
"This is your captain speaking... **AND THIS IS YOUR CAPTAIN SHOUTING!**"
Next Joke
"I was recently asked how I view lesbian relationships. Apparently ""Through a window"" is not the correct answer! thanks user/TheLuckyBarkeep"
"Old cordless phones, for when you really need to be on the phone, but also need to sword fight the cat."
"Did you ever watch that movie about the killer tire? It was actually a sadtire."
"Hot single senior citizens in your area need air conditioning."
"My boyfriend is so needy. Always demanding things like ""please untie me"" and ""just tell me who you are""."
"If I had 2 fish I would name them 1 and 2 so if 1 died I would still have 2."
"Is 6 celebrity impersonations too small a number for me to do on this first date? I feel like its a little low..."
"Your eyes are like stars. Not because they are bright and beautiful. But because they are so far apart."
"If someone says ""I will do anything for you"" lean in really close and say ""There's a body in my basement and I can't eat it all by myself."""