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Joke of the Day

"Is 6 celebrity impersonations too small a number for me to do on this first date? I feel like its a little low..."

"How do you get a red wine stain off a baby?"

"I woke up, after a drunken night, with two tattoos on my dick, but one of them was done in regular pen ink. So I rubbed one out."

"What do you call a hooker in Alaska? Frostitute"

"A man walks into a fancy dress party in calvin klein briefs... The host asks him 'what are you dressed as?' Premature ejaculation. I just came in my pants."

"Wrote this while waiting for a burrito in 2009 What's the difference between Helen Keller and Susan B. Anthony? One doesn't know her place, the other can't find it."

"Hitting the gym to release stress it's not nearly effective as hitting the cunt that causes the fucking stress"

"A Girl called me Daddy last night... So I told her I was going out to buy cigarettes and never came back."

"Did you hear about the Mathematicians Gentleman's Club? They were famous for their signature dance: the Mobius Strip"

"I like my coffee like I like my women. Handed over by an eastern european immigrant who doesn't care what happens to it or expect to see it again."