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Joke of the Day

"My Doctor says I need to start exercising religiously. So now I hit the gym on Christmas and Easter."

"Sorry I referred to your baby shower as a gift extortion party."

"A pirate walks into a bar and has a ship's wheel sticking out his crotch. 'Does that not hurt?' asks the bartender. To which the pirate replies: 'Yaarr, it's driving me nuts!'"

"Everyone always thinks I'm gay... Even my boyfriend."

"Remember when we thought ""Any kid can grow up to be President"" was a good thing?"

"A man walked into a bar... ...and stayed there my entire childhood."

"No matter how much you push the envelope... ...it's still stationery."

"Only one Chinese man lived in my hometown, and I still couldn't tell him apart."

"Cat burglar: Quietly steals all your valuables Dog burglar: Eats your ham, sleeps in bed with you for awhile, wakes you up to go out at 3am"

"Are you a romantic man? Yes. When my wife comes home late, I turn on the candles, let the place fill up with nice and warm water and throw in some soap. So she can immediately start doing the dishes."