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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between a baby and a washing machine? The washing machine doesn't cry when you drop a load in it."

"What's the difference between a vampire and a cookie? You can't dip a vampire in your tea."

"What do you call a really quiet dog? A subwoofer."

"How did Captain Hook die ? He wiped his ass with the wrong hand."

"My mates keep calling me gay. I proved them wrong. My mates keep calling me gay, so to prove them wrong and went out and fucked this sexy nurse. He definitely wasn't gay."

"(Hope this isn't a repost) What happens when a stormtrooper and a redshirt get in a fight? The stormtrooper misses every shot, but the red shirt still dies."

"Happy Birthday to me. 27 years old... in Spice Girl years."

"What is the Jolly Green Giant most afraid of? Avocado pickers"

"TIFU by getting called into the HR office.... apparently ""harass"" is not two words."

"What's the first thing a blonde does in the morning? Pulls her pants up and goes home."