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Joke of the Day

"(Hope this isn't a repost) What happens when a stormtrooper and a redshirt get in a fight? The stormtrooper misses every shot, but the red shirt still dies."

"What did Matthew McConaughey say to DiCaprio about his chances of winning the Oscars this year? It's a fugazi."

"Why hunt for vampires when you can just open a tuxedo shop and have them come to you? Work smarter, not harder."

"What's the difference between a Jew and a Boy Scout? A Boyscout comes back from camp!"

"A brown bear and a polar bear fall into the water. Which one dissolves? The polar bear, because he's polar!"

"They say that trains are full of weird people... ...but I don't think that's true. I've never met a weird person on a train, and I talk to *everyone.*"

"I bet Hannibal Lecter was pretty disappointed when he found out a five finger discount had nothing to do with purchasing fingers."

"I had a call from a charity asking me to donate old clothes for starving people. I told them anybody who fits into my clothes isn't starving"

"When I sit down on a field, I automatically start pulling grass out of the ground."

"What is a pedophiles favorite Italian meal? Chicken Statutory....I'm going, I'm going...sorry but this is how my brain works before I've had coffee."