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Joke of the Day

"Happy Birthday to me. 27 years old... in Spice Girl years."

"I could never be a detective. I can't even solve equations, let alone crimes."

"Coworker: What's your phone number? *looks up from phone* Me: I don't have a phone. *looks down at phone* Coworker...."

"Texting wasn't always easy. In my day, you had to work for it. You had to want it. You need an S? You better click that 7 button FOUR TIMES."

"Peel n eat shrimp feels remarkably similar to tear the tail off 'n eat the water cockroach."

"I think I'm going to give away my old Dyson vacuum cleaner. It's just collecting dust."

"my dad always makes fun of me for taking selfies all the time but if he didn't want such a beautiful child he should've kept it in his pants"

"Don't you just hate clickbait titles? Gotcha!"

"I wonder if flies ever think, ""I bet I could get this guy to slap himself in the face."" Because they'd be right."

"Why can't Mexicans play Uno? Because they steal all the green cards."