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Joke of the Day
"Happy Birthday to me. 27 years old... in Spice Girl years."
Next Joke
"You know you've had too much to drink when you ask Siri to drive you home."
"What's the difference between a dirty old bus station and a lobster with boobs? One's a crusty bus station, and the other is a busty crustacean."
"They're finally making a movie about that guy who had a romantic relationship with his clock. It's about fucking time."
"My Asian boyfriend was sucking me off last night (we're gay) Best brojob ever."
"My husband and I are thinking about leaving everything to our dog. What he will do with $20.00 I don't know. But I hope he enjoys it."
"I'm going to name my first kid Authorized Personnel so they can go wherever they want in life."
"The new federal health regulations require every citizen to take a half-hour daily walk. Now at least one part of Obamacare is constitutional."
"[my funeral] PRIEST: dearly beloved... *respectful silence from guests* PRIEST: ...and steve ME FROM INSIDE COFFIN: lmao get roasted steve"
"A 40 year old man goes to buy a car.... and all he can afford is a base model civic."