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Joke of the Day

"firemen keep harvesting my cat tree"

"What do you call a dentist gunfighter? Clean Teathstwood."

"What's the difference between a women's track team and a bunch of African pygmies? The African pygmies are a bunch of cunning runts. The women's track team are a bunch of running cunts."

"We must be in the bathroom... because uraneight. I literally just made this up, might explain why its so so"

"I'm really impressed by both Kim Kardashian and Caitlyn Jenner... Both women got famous by making a dick disappear."

"My sister told me she's dating an Irish guy I said, ""Oh really?"" She replied, ""No, O'Reilly."""

"If aliens ever attack, I hope they do it in rows of 8, going right and left directly above me. I'm very skilled at shooting aliens this way"

"I was told I look like a nazi soldier... And I said, ""no, this is a Wehrmacht uniform""."

"I'm with you, Hungry Hungry Hippos. I don't find small plastic balls very filling, either. I can't believe this what you guys eat in Africa!"

"ATC: ""Cessna G-ABCD What are your intentions? "" Cessna: ""To get my Commercial Pilots Licence and Instrument Rating."" ATC: ""I meant in the next five minutes not years."""