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Joke of the Day

"We must be in the bathroom... because uraneight. I literally just made this up, might explain why its so so"

"Roses are red, violets are blue...valentine's crap is over now don't you have some ironing to do"

"My piggy bank was robbed the other day. I tried to ask him how he felt... ... But he was evidently shattered"

"I've just been in the garden with my stepladder Not my real ladder, I don't get on with him"

"What did the cancerous contractor say to his apprentice? Avoid the insulation asbestos you can."

"Just once, I'd like to see a cactus that isn't flexing."

"What's the difference between 2015 and Moore's Law? One's the year of the ram, the other is the ram of the year."

"I changed my night club's name to Erectile Dysfunction for one night Nobody came... If ya know what I mean (God, please don't punish me for saying this)"

"My family branded me as a failure, then I invented an invisibility cloak. If only they could see me now..."

"What do you call a horny Catholic? A firm believer."