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Joke of the Day

"Girl, did you fall out of heaven? Cause you're showing signs of deranged cognitive abilities in your brain highly suggestive of Post-concussion syndrome."

"What do you call a sea mammal with a mission? A porpoise."

"Did you hear the joke about ebola? ...you won't get it."

"Why do fat people say they have to start eating right? They've obviously mastered the art of chewing and swallowing."

"Batman should teach girls about periods in school... ""Tell me, do you bleed?... You will."""

"What is the Great Gatsby's favorite superhero? Green Lantern. His least favorite? Deadpool."

"I'm putting off having kids mainly because I'm not ready to be 9 months sober."

"What's a three letter word for Hell? DMV."

"My friend and I were finally able to laugh off how competitive we are with each other. But I laughed harder."

"Guys, don't ever tell a girl that she's yummier than a gummy bear, she'll know it's not true because nothing is yummier than a gummy bear."