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Joke of the Day

"Sad news from Miami today: Famous rapper, Pitbull, was unfortunately found alive in his home today according to a relative."

"Parents spend the first 3 years of their child's life teaching it to walk and talk.. They then spend the next 10 years teaching it to sit down and shut up."

"I went out with anorexic twins last night... 2 birds, 1 stone"

"Why are reddittors so environmentally friendly?... Because the recycle everything!"

"A girl has to get in bed before 8 p.m. so she can come home at 11."

"That's disgusting! Where did you learn to do that?! Don't wipe boogers on Mommy's pillow! Wipe it on Daddy's"

"What did the egg say to the boiling water? It will take me a while to get hard, I just got laid by a chick."

"Do not go golfing with Admiral Ackbar. All he does is obsess about the location of sand hazards."

"A guy walks into a bar the punchline doesn't matter because the real joke is always in the comments."

"*snorts a line of powdered milk* God damn it feels good to be healthy"