214527

Joke of the Day

"[wife answering phone] Gary, it's 3am! Where are you? ""I don't have time for questions, but if you ever wanted a peacock tell me now!"""

"So I told my girlfriend I had a job in a bowling alley She said ""Tenpin?"" I said, ""No, it's a permanent job."" - Tim Vine, King of the one liners."

"Some people say telling a joke about chavs is as bad as racism Nonsense chavs aren't a race. They're a subspecies"

"Right before Abe Lincoln was shot Mary Todd Lincoln: See honey, I told you it wouldn't kill you to take me out sometime."

"[Hospital] Me:How's my dad? Dr:I'm afraid he's in critical condition *shout from inside room ""You've never lived to up to your potential!"""

"r/jokes should have an allergy warning Cauition: may contain reposts"

"How you heard about the new bad breath removal strategy? They call it the tic-tac tactic."

"What do Romulans and Vulcans do with their high school drop outs? Send them to barber school."

"When I ask people who they think my son looks like... ...They tell me he looks like his real father."

"Just once I'd like to wake up as eager to start the day as my p*nis is."