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Joke of the Day

"Right before Abe Lincoln was shot Mary Todd Lincoln: See honey, I told you it wouldn't kill you to take me out sometime."

"Guy at the park who just put out his cigar and started doing tai chi is my new fitness guru."

"What do you get when you mix lemonade and ice tea? A dead golfer..."

"How many Millennials does it take to change a light bulb? None! We don't change light bulbs. We disrupt them."

"What's the difference between a cranky two-year-old and a duckling? One is a whiny toddler, and the other is a tiny waddler! ^^^... ^^^I ^^^know, ^^^I ^^^know, ^^^/r/dadjokes ^^^is ^^^thataway"

"Chuck Norris cannot love, he can only not kill."

"What Did The Pirate Say On His 80th Birthday? Ayyyye Matey!!!"

"Do you think Donald Trump get his hairpieces for free... ...or does he have toupee?"

"What's black and never works? Decaf coffee, you racist bastard."

"I only make my food from the natural ingredients, like uranium and asbestos"