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Joke of the Day

"I'm about 20% more confident when chewing gum."

"What do you call a waffle that burps too much? A belchin waffle."

"My kid threatened to hold his breath until i gave him dessert He's now passed out on the floor. I don't negotiate with terrorists."

"""You had a life. It was this long. Here's a rock."" - tombstones"

"Besides OP's mom, Which character would you like to have seen more of on the Andy Griffith show?"

"How do your organize a space party? You planet! (It won't turn out well though because it has no atmosphere.)"

"I joined a reggae band playing the triangle. I just stand at the back and ting."

"It's not working. I've napped every day this week at work and not a single raise or promotion. Sleeping my way to the top was a stupid idea."

"Poor Will... Everyone's always firing at him. A joke my grandad would use on occasion."

"midget in the library midget walks into a library and ask do you have any books on irony? the librarian replies sure they are on the top shelf"