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Joke of the Day

"I saw a deer yesterday. I asked it if it had any doe. It said yeah, about two bucks."

"A bee jerks off all over some Cheerios. Its Honey Nut."

"Now accepting applications for a new best friend. Must be willing to let me put my fingers in your mouth. No Mexicans. No skanks. Por favor."

"What are you doing on Valentines Day? I'm getting my hands massaged."

"I was so happy when I got my first pubic hair! But instantly saddened when I realized it was just my penis :(..."

"I just got my first grey hair. This is the last time I let grandma cook dinner for me."

"I'm not saying I hate you, but I would unplug your life support to charge my phone."

"""Yes, I'd like to buy this EXTRA SMALL condom, please."" ""Sir, that's a sleeping bag."""

"What do they teach in ISIS business school? Execution is everything."

"boy: you have really pretty eyes... me: *suspicious* thank you...??? boy: *leans in slowly* me: NO!!!! You cant have them!!!!!"