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Joke of the Day

"Kidnappers: We have your husband. Send us $10,000 if you ever want to see him again. Me: Where I should drop off his clothes?"

"It would be nice if for once i got a thank you... ...when I serve breakfast in bed instead of ""who are you"" and ""how did you get in here""."

"sometimes I fill up my bathtub with spaghetti sauce and sit in it and pretend I'm a meatball"

"I recently started dating a woman in a wheelchair, and I stood her up. Not surprisingly that's when she fell for me...and you know what, it became a bit of a drag...but now we're on a roll."

"What is a pirates favorite letter? Many think it's R, but his first love be the C."

"I took a laxative and smoked some weed. You know just for shits and giggles."

"What do you do when you come across Santa on New Years Eve? You wipe it off and apologize."

"What did the terrorists say after blowing himself up before getting to his destination? Too soon?"

"Sorry I called animal control about your children but I really think those tranquilizer darts did the trick."

"The cruelest part of the movie Bambi?nnnnHis mom named him ""Bambi."" nnShe deserved what she got for that."