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Joke of the Day

"If I got a nickel everytime I said ""I don't believe in fairies"" I wouldn't give two shits about fairies dying from it"

"What's the best way to dispose of a dead body? Was asking for a friend, but he was being a whiny shit about it, so now I'm asking for me."

"Everybody was Feng Shui fighting, those cats improved my ambient lighting."

"What do you call a fly buzzing inside a blonde's head? A Space Invader. "

"I like to sneak a donut into the salad bar so everyone will ask, ""WAIT, THERE'S DONUTS?"" and I say, ""Sorry, last one!"" and then eat it."

"I wonder if Houdini ever locked himself out of the house."

"How do you make a drummers car more aerodynamic? You remove the pizza delivery sign! Hahahahaaa..ha"

"If I got a dollar everytime someone over 40 told me my generation sucks... I'd have enough money to buy a house in the economy they ruined."

"Michael Jackson has left behind has been so influential... ...but I think more than any other artist, his legacy has been influenced by his coloured past."

"What did the chemist say when his girlfriend cheated on him? Dy Ho"