214089

Joke of the Day

"I gave my car some heroine and now it's a plane. Too bad it will eventually crash."

"Why does the can crusher hate his job? Because it's soda pressing."

"Brenda from work unfollowed me on here so now I have to follow her around the office all day reading my tweets like a news broadcaster"

"[hell] Me: Why am I here? Devil: You told people you'd say hi to other people 3,789 times but only did it 4 times. Me: OK that's fair."

"LOL jokes What's red and smells like blue paint? Red paint."

"This woman at work sounds just like me. I'm going to pay her to call my Mom and occasionally say mmhmm and how nice."

"A fondue party... But instead of bread, it's more cheese. And instead of people, it's even more cheese."

"What's the difference between a public park and a public toilet? I need to know before my court date on Monday."

"Sign in a Chinese Pet Store: ""Buy one dog, get one flea..."""

"I was suspicious that big multinational chemical corporation was up to no good, but then I saw that green cartoon leaf in its logo. Whew!"