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Joke of the Day

"""Sorry I didn't have a chance to clean up the place,"" I say as I wave dismissively at the chalk outline drawn on the living room floor."

"What do you do to an Elephant with 3 balls? Walk him and pitch to the Rhino."

"One of my friends told me how electricity is measured And I was like watt?"

"What is a sheep with no legs? A Cloud."

"Why won't hipsters listen to the Beatles until Ringo Starr and Paul McCartney die? Because they only want to listen to the Beatles when they're underground (Taken from Cyanide and Happiness comics)"

"Fighting childhood obesity.... ....is as easy as taking candy from a baby."

"Today I went to an Indian restaurant and asked for bread They told me they had naan."

"What food is bad for epileptic people? Seizure salad"

"If she shovels shit at the local zoo, then she's a keeper"

"A spider just tried to crawl across my hand and now how do you extract a fork from bone without causing more damage?"