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Joke of the Day

"My gran once had a bad stroke, so i screamed ""its not fucking good enough"" and pushed her into the bunker"

"Really sad news from the entertainment industry. Justin Bieber was found alive in his apartment yesterday."

"Keep your friend's toast, but keep your enemy's toaster."

"Chuck Norris keeps his friends close and his enemies closer. Close enough to drop them with one round house kick to the face."

"A Day in the life of John Dillon. My name is John Dillon, I do all the killin', I make 5 Dollars Day. I see a Girl named kitty and she shows me her titties and she takes my 5 Dollars away."

"What do you call a snake that's 3.14 metres long? A thon"

"I was sitting on a bus in Thailand across from a beautiful young lady. My shorts were a little tight and I was thinking, don't get a boner, don't get a boner... But she did."

"Why did a girl leave his boyfriend for a mushroom? because he wasn't a fungi!"

"She once called me bae so I had to baeurry her in my backyard.."

"What do you call a fake noodle? ImPasta"