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Joke of the Day

"An important phone call is something that occurs when there's no better excuse to ignore someone."

"The best way to return any clothing left at your place is to do a drive-by with a t-shirt gun on her wedding day."

"Why can't you purchase minerals by the gallon? They only come in quarts(z)"

"Did you know diarrhea is hereditary? It runs through your jeans."

"Need relationship advice! I'm trying to get my wife into role playing but she gets really upset when I suggest she be played by Emma Stone."

"What's smaller than a teenie weenie ant? An ant's teenie weenie!"

"Why is Iraq like the weather in Britain? Because it's either Sunni or Shiite"

"I don't understand how anyone can get married until they've met everyone else in the whole world, just to make sure."

"Doctor & Patient F Doctor: ""I'm sorry but you suffer from a terminal illness and have only 10 to live."" Patient: ""What do you mean, 10? 10 what? Months? Weeks?!"" Doctor: ""Nine."""

"Who are the fastest readers? 9/11 victims- 100 storeys in 10 seconds"