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Joke of the Day

"My 11 year old cousin just told me this knee-slapper What did the fish say when he swam into a concrete wall? ""Damn"""

"911, what's your emergency? ""I'm masturbating too much."" Sir that's not really a problem. ""One sec. HEAR THAT MOM? NOW GET OFF MY CASE."""

"I eat my tacos over a Tortilla. That way when stuff falls out, BOOM, another taco."

"Who invented the equation? A X-pert"

"i think of my nipples as an umlaut that makes my beer gut more sophisticated"

"I keep my fitbit in the original box same as I do my special edition Malibu Barbie."

"Yes I have exams. No, I'm not easily distracted. Yes, my shadow is interesting."

"Five most popular enhanced interrogation techniques.. .. The fourth one will shock you!"

"*in an interview* Me: Tell me a time when you really struggled in your previous job. Applicant: 5-7PM po. Me: Applicant: 8PM. Me:"

"Sorry, I can't listen to your vegan nonsense right now. I have more important things at steak."