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Joke of the Day

"Telling a girl to calm down: works about as well as trying to baptize a cat."

"I was really disappointed with Walmart There were only four of them in stock."

"I saw such an heart touching story of a... burglar and a victim."

"Of course I've slept in the wet spot My ex drooled like a Komodo dragon"

"Two submissives sitting in a tree. N O T H I N G"

"Judge: You stand before me accused of being a duvet. How do you plead? Defendant: Not quilty."

"I hate when people ask me what I see myself doing in five years time... It makes me think of a time I won't be able to repost this fucking joke. Fuck 20/20 vision."

"What do you get when you cross an elephant with a rhino? 'eleph ino."

"You're all arguing about what color the dress is... While I'm having sex with the girl who took it off."

"I wish you were ketchup.... ...So you could squirt on my Weiner!"