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Joke of the Day
"I was really disappointed with Walmart There were only four of them in stock."
Next Joke
"A little haiku about finals. I am really fucked. Where did the semester go? Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck"
"If I ever have to choose who dies, my mother or my dog, Toby's gotta go... ...straight for the throat"
"Playboy Magazine has announced that they will no longer publish nude pictures in their magazine. O, The Oprah Magazine, has vowed to pick up the slack."
"[watching House of Cards] where are the cards"
"Malaysian food is the best! Because it goes down easily"
"Dark comedy is like food Not everyone gets it."
"Don't ever talk to me in an elevator. It will just be uncomfortable. I don't want to be put in that position. With my hand over your mouth."
"Cuddled up to my girlfriend last night, she said, ""Aw you finally chose me over Facebook!"" I just didn't have the heart to tell her my battery just died."
"People who genetically engineer food, why don't you make celery that tastes like Reese's Peanut Butter Cups? I bet that would shut people up"