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Joke of the Day
"Two submissives sitting in a tree. N O T H I N G"
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"My girlfriend's dog died so to cheer her up I went out and got her an identical one. She was livid. ""What am I going to do with two dead dogs?"""
"How do you know Jesus is okay with gays? Because he had two dads"
"It's hard to look like a badass when you're slurping on a strawberry smoothie."
"The problem with telling lawyer jokes is Lawyers don't think they're funny, and everyone else doesn't think they're jokes."
"What's slimy, green, and smells like bacon? Kermits finger."
"You could introduce a raccoon to a walrus as ""my Grandpa Steven,"" and neither would bat an eye. THAT'S WHAT'S SO GREAT ABOUT ANIMALS."
"A blonde, brunette, and redhead are in the ninth grade; which one is the sexiest? The blonde, because she is the only one that's 18."
"Took me forever to find this chronology book. It's about time."
"Everyone's switching from the iPhone 5 to the iPhone 6 for an extra inch ...I sure hope my girlfriend doesn't do the same."