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Joke of the Day

"I saw such an heart touching story of a... burglar and a victim."

"But HOW will u make America great again? Trump: I'll make it like camp. A camp where u concentrate on how great I am. I'll call it a conce-"

"I've conditioned myself to only poop at work. Now my bathroom smells great but I can't take more than 2 days off w/o terrible constipation."

"My neck, my back. My pizza and my snacks."

"She got a big booty so I call her Ashley because that's her real name and I don't objectify women."

"the new #ipad is #smaller and the new ipone is longer. these gadgts are becoming better, in my opinion Posted by PutsGadgetsUpAss at 11:09am"

"I should probably see someone about my mental health, like a drug dealer or bartender or something."

"I will never forgive the nazis for what they did to my grandfather He worked 8 years on the guard tower with out a single promotion"

"Hey Dad did anybody call for me when I was out? ""Yeah some girl named Jenny"" ""Jenny who?"" ""I don't know. Why don't you call her and ask."" ""She leave a number?"" ""Yeah 867-5309"""

"Kim Kardashian just had a miscarriage... Her next show is going to be called 'Mopping Up After A Kardashian'"