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Joke of the Day

"I like twitter because having one-sided conversations with virtually no feedback reminds me a lot of being a parent."

"What do you call a crazy chicken ? A cuckoo cluck !"

"lets play cops & robbers! ok! i'll be robber! i'll be cop! *robber hides* *cop just starts wrestling all the black kids in the neigborhood*"

"What happened when Isaac Newton met the apple? He found the apple was a surprisingly down-to-Earth kinda guy."

"ME: Tell me your weaknesses. INTERVIEWER: um I'm interviewing you! M: *writes hostile'* I: What's that say? M: *writes overly suspicious'*"

"u ever watch a spider build a web and ur like damn and i cant even build a desk from IKEA"

"How to get a millionaire husband marry a billionaire man, then proceed to divorce him."

"What is the difference between a goat and 9/11? You cannot milk a goat for 13 years"

"Twitter should offer Shkreli his account back for $10,000 and if he agrees say sorry and suddenly raise the price 5600%"

"After my grandfather's funeral... I scattered his remains all over my back garden. Which was horrible, because he hadn't been cremated."