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Joke of the Day

"What happened when Isaac Newton met the apple? He found the apple was a surprisingly down-to-Earth kinda guy."

"My wife likes to talk to me after sex... It's great, I've got a special ringtone set up and everything."

"What do you call a sassy criminal walking down the stairs? A condescending con descending."

"I told my girlfriend we can either have sex, or go see Star Wars. She said ""I'm on my period and Star Wars is sold out,"" but she pulled some strings and got me in."

"That walk of shame when you fail at throwing a ball of paper into the garbage."

"Saw a sign outside of an office building which said.. .. ""Today's workshop 'How To Cope With Disappointment' has been cancelled"""

"This Doctor... Knock Knock. Who's there? Interrupting Doctor. Interup- You have cancer."

"My suit made entirely of Hello Kitty Bandaids did not help me much at my hospital interview. Apparently you have to go to medical school."

"My black friend asked me if there was a colored printer in the library. I said ""WTF man, it's 2015. You can use whatever printer you want."""

"What do you call 12 guys with big dicks? A hung jury"