170903

Joke of the Day

"ME: Tell me your weaknesses. INTERVIEWER: um I'm interviewing you! M: *writes hostile'* I: What's that say? M: *writes overly suspicious'*"

"I had a call from a charity asking me to donate old clothes for starving people. I told them anybody who fits into my clothes isn't starving"

"The Da Vinci Code talks a lot about it Jesus had a child... But what about the second cuming?"

"5: I went potty. Me: Did you remember to wipe this time? 5: No. Me: Why? 5: It's faster my way. I don't know how to counter that argument."

"Mom, what's a Kardashian? It's what a midget can't see over when in the driver's seat. Just kidding, dear. It means whore."

"I paid 10.50 for a movie ticket to watch Tom Cruise die continuously for 2 hours. I would have paid a hundred dollars to watch that."

"One of the wheelchair basketball team players has been tested positive for WD40 :("

"What do you call a newborn with 3 arms? Not mine"

"Who was the widest knight at King Arthur's round table? Sir Cumference, he ate too much pi"

"I got in from the pub and poured myself a glass of water. ""You're drunk, aren't you?"" said a disappointed voice behind me. ""What makes you say that, honey?"" I asked. She said, ""This isn't your house."""