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Joke of the Day

"The boss is telling his workers a dumb joke... ...and every worker is laughing except one. The boss asks that one worker: ""Why are you not laughing?"" ""Cos I'm quitting today."""

"*goes through crush's phone when he dies* *gets out ouija board* ""who is Emma"""

"Two blondes were on an escalator in the mall, when the power went out. They had to wait 3 hours to be rescued."

"What's the difference between a Pakistani school and a Pakistani outpost? I don't know, I just fly the drone... *(Please don't hate me)*"

"An insect just flew into my bedroom and exploded. I think it was a Jihaddy Long Legs."

"What do you call Russian trees? Dimitrees"

"A dyslexic walked into the bra"

"If you want to relate to how old people probably feel just imagine that a bowl of soup cost $40 and everybody else acted like that was fine."

"Sketch artist: Any more details on the attacker? Me: No, that's all I saw *shows me it's just a picture of a fist* Me: *sobbing* That's him"

"On your first day as a new parent, walk up to your baby and cry louder than it to assert your dominance."