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Joke of the Day
"My girlfriend told me her period was late So I said it's probably stuck in traffic."
Next Joke
"How to impress your ex: 1. Get rich 2. Get more attractive 3. Get a tiger 4. Ride tiger everywhere in preparation for confrontation with ex"
"The worst thing about Jonestown jokes? The punch line."
"I never wish death upon anybody who wrongs me. I wish sudden, explosive diarrhea while on a date Much more satisfying."
"What doesn't belong in this list? Wife, eggs, meat, blowjob. Blowjob doesn't belong. Why? Because you can beat your eggs, your meat, or your wife, but you can't beat a blowjob!"
"What do you get if a huge hairy monster steps on Batman and Robin ? Flatman and Ribbon !"
"Why is it the less money someone makes the better they are at reproducing?"
"My girlfriend told me she almost choked on her birth control this morning. It looks like it almost did it's job."
"Helium walks into a bar and orders a beer, the bartender says, ""Sorry, we don't serve noble gases here."" He doesn't react."
"Why are your eyes covered in ketchup? I'm often asked by people: ""Why are your eyes covered in ketchup?"" So I tell them it's because Heinz sight is 20/20."