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Joke of the Day

"Why do they evacuate women and children first? You can't fix shit with all that screaming and crying. (**Yes, you can evacuate people.** Check #2 here: http://www.dictionary.com/browse/evacuate)"

"Knock Knock Who's there ? Chopin ! Chopin who ? Chopin the supermarket !"

"Those who believe in telekinetics, raise my hand."

"Her: I like the man-horsey in this film. He's hot. Me: Centaur. H: What? M: Centaur H: Is that his name? M: I want a divorce."

"The worst part about calling in for a sick day is the pressure of knowing you only have one shot to do the ""I'm sick"" voice."

"Why did Germany run out of gas? Because they gave it to the Jews I'll be in Argentina for awhile."

"My stepfather, beating me black and blue, was no accident. Just a terrible faux pa."

"Based on the seemingly random things my autocorrect suggests I sometimes wonder if it is trying to communicate with me."

"Why was Latin afraid of Hitler? They were both dead!"

"(OC) A little joke I just made up... Homeless people never get inside jokes."