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Joke of the Day

"Based on the seemingly random things my autocorrect suggests I sometimes wonder if it is trying to communicate with me."

"A Swedish software company has created a new app that records and analyzes what you say during sleep. You can tell the app is working when it's mad at you the whole next day."

"Q. Who was the greatest comedian in the Bible? A. Samson. He brought the house down."

"why did they bury liberace face down? so his friends could stop by for a cold one..."

"Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 was black..."

"What is your favorite Brian Williams joke? I was there during the big bang of the universe - Brian Williams"

"[first day as coast guard] Boss: 7 people died on your watch today Me [looking off into the distance]: yes but the coast is fine"

"Why do time machines make you happy? They're an anti de-present."

"What did the dyslexic man do when life gave him lemons? He made melon-ade"

"What did the woman say to the vampire when she woke up with her period? ""I made you breakfast in bed!"""