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Joke of the Day

"While commemorating my father's various physical feats, one friend asked if he was ""shredded"". He was cremated. :("

"Why did everyone turn away when the race car drove past? It had a SPOILER on it."

"Where does the Little Mermaid shop for her dinglehoppers? At the Hair Cutlery."

"Today I Fucked Up... the couch"

"What does sex have in common with a savings account? You lose interest once you make a withdrawal."

"Stop! This is not funny! My dad died in 9/11, his last words were Allah wakbar"

"*Child putting on clothes very slowly while singing* Me: You really need to hurry up we're going to be late. *Child starts singing faster*"

"What's another name for a casket? Mourning wood."

"Where does Dracula keep his valuables? In a blood bank."

"HER: Are you free Friday night? ME: Let me check my colander. HER: Your... ME: *checking* Nope, sorry, I'll be making spaghetti."