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Joke of the Day

"I was talking with a friend about my car... I told him about how, now that I have a kid, the car isn't very practical. He offered me 3,000 dollars for it. Sucker, he's gonna hate being a dad."

"Why does Pinnochio always get an erection when he's in a forest? Because he has a woodpecker!"

"10 Easy Steps to Learn Binary: 1) There are 1's and 0's 10) There are no 2's"

"What does Donald Trump's hair get at the end of each day? [removed]"

"Ever been so completely out of toilet paper that you send your kid next door to get some? Me neither, I just like to embarrass my kid."

"My sister is an expert pastry-maker. She has to be to stay employed, her job has a high turnover rate."

"Someone stole my................... Someone stole my mood ring, I don't know how I feel about that."

"If r/jokes was a person, what organ would he be having problems with? De-liver"

"What's the difference between Bono and Jesus? Jesus didn't walk around Dublin acting like he's Bono."

"A 7 y/o asks his mom at the dinner table... ""Mom?"" ""Yes, honey?"" ""I can be whatever I want to be right?"" ""Yes, dear."" ""Then can I be a carnivore?"" ""...Eat your vegetables."""