38148

Joke of the Day

"A 7 y/o asks his mom at the dinner table... ""Mom?"" ""Yes, honey?"" ""I can be whatever I want to be right?"" ""Yes, dear."" ""Then can I be a carnivore?"" ""...Eat your vegetables."""

"Why do the Romans use more eggs in their omelets than the French? Because the Romans feel that when it comes to eggs, you can't have too many ovum. But in France, they believe that one egg is un ouef."

"What is a Redditors favorite animal? A cat because we are lonely... I need friends."

"A man finishes a tube of chapstick... ...just kidding."

"The cow says ""moo"", the horse says ""neigh""... The dog says ""That person...Edward..."""

"An entire generation does not know what the hell is happening when a movie pans over to a wall calendar and the pages magically fly away."

"If the Terminator was female the line would have been, ""I might be back, I haven't decided yet."""

"What kind of car does Hillary Clinton drive? A Subaru"

"[Plane starts to go down] *Frantically shoves an entire bag of Life Savers GummiesTM into my mouth*"

"""I can try"" is a great response to invitations because you're not even committing to trying."