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Joke of the Day

"6:There's a monster under my bed Me:That's silly! There's no such thi..OH GOD IT'S EATING MY ARM 6:SCREAMS ME:KIDDING it only eats kids"

"What's the difference between the UN and ISIS? The pension package."

"Just finished reading a book on Stockholm Syndrome. I really didn't like the first couple of chapters, but by the end I loved it."

"A new study shows that un-vaccinated children are less likely to be autistic because they are more likely to be dead."

"Jesus rose on the third day. He then went over to the men and said... ""Hola, senor! What is my job?"""

"Michael Cera, too timid to send his food back even though he's allergic to almonds, eats a meal and politely goes into anaphylactic shock."

"I think my coworkers are gay Every time I walk by, they mumble ""what an ass"""

"What's the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts? Beer nuts are a dollar fifty but deer nuts are under a buck."

"Tried to slide a cup towards me across the table. The cup fell over instead. I blame friction."

"What do you call it when strippers hold a fundraiser for the tattooing arts? Tits for Tats"